10 things I have learned

10 things I believed in my twenties

1. I can manage my weight; I may get a little overweight but I'll never get really fat; that is impossible.

2. I doesn't matter if I drink too much, eat what I like and smoke cigarettes;  Alcohol, food and cigarettes calm me down and make me feel better.

3. I am unloveable; I am always attracted to men who don't feel the same way about me.

4. I will never have an "only child"; It is just not right, it isn't normal.

5. I am ambitious; I will have an amazing career and be well known for my professional ability.

6. I am not an exercise fanatic; Sometimes, I throw myself into exercise but I can just as easily choose to be a sloth.

7. I am different; I will never turn out like my mother or father. They are so different to how I imagine myself in the future.

8. I am creative; I am and always will be creative and have this as part of my life. I love performing, I take awesome photographs, I make my own clothes, I will be amazing.

9. I am a city girl; I grew up in a small country town. I never want to live in the country, it is so boring.

10. I will always feel scared and worthless; On the outside, I am confident but underneath this is who I really am.

Twenties and fifties

10 things I know in my fifties

1. I have a healthy attitude to food and exercise and can stay a healthy weight. But it wasn't always so. I was obese when I was at my heaviest. I have lost 36kg since my fattest stage. Now I know I need be mindful and pay attention to the connection between food and exercise and weight.

2. Self soothing with alcohol, food and cigarettes makes me feel worse in the long run. From an emotional over-eater and drinker, I have only recently realised that a walk or meditation is so much more long lasting (and healthier) though I still break out from time to time when I feel overwhelmed.

3. My husband is my best friend; he is generous and loving, (as well as annoying and frustrating) but we share similar interests and care passionately (mostly) about the same things. This is what counts in a relationship.

4. I had one child because I thought a career was more important to me. Many people wished we had more children. I had serious regrets about this in my forties and only recently forgave myself for my choice. I have a wonderful (twenty-two year old) son. I cherish him dearly.

5. My career path took several unexpected turns. I didn't end up heading a government department as I imagined but rather ran a successful business with my husband. We lived together, worked together and often disagreed together and (yes we did) survive together.

6. I love exercise. Now I can't imagine a day without doing some strenuous activity. I love the feeling when I have worked out. About 5 years ago, a walk around the block felt too strenuous.

7. I have my mother's and father's best and worst characteristics and I am working on making the most of the best and the least of the worst..I love them both but still pull myself up hard when I hear myself speak or see myself behave like one of them.

8. I am creative but I have to make time to ensure I don't let it slip into the background. I love making art and photography. It is too easy for me to undervalue my creativity and let it slip.

9. My heart is in the country and this is where I feel most alive. I love country music. I am at peace when surrounded by nature. I yearn for a life where I can have the best of the country and the city where I live.

10. I am worthy, loveable and significant. Five years ago, I did the Hoffman Process and completely re-engineered my feelings of self worth. I moved from being an angry and unhappy critic to a (mostly) loving and (mostly) forgiving woman. My dips into self regret and misery are spaced further and further apart.. Hooray!