it never rains but it pours



Remember the calm, Tasmania January 2012

"It never rains but it pours" is a saying that my grandmother used to recite (one of many that formed part of my proverbial childhood) and it aptly applies to my last fortnight... no wait, this applies to my last month.

Thankfully it has been raining a mixture of good and bad times. Yet I am most conscious of the huge amount of stress that has been coursing through my body.

It is only now when I have taken stock and made a conscious decision to take better care of myself (read cut out alcohol, reduce caffeine, ramp up the fruit and veg intake) that I am feeling the difference.

So what is this veritable waterfall of incidents that created a confluence of positive and negative vibes resulting in (now I am looking for another water word..) a tempest / blizzard / storm of physical and emotional sparks and fizz.

• My husband had a bout of bowel obstruction which necessitated a 4 day trip to hospital. This is caused by old scar tissue from a burst appendix 30 years ago. While this is something that happens from time to time, can't be prevented or removed and occurs when we least expect it, it is very stressful for us both. Those hours while we try and manage and diagnose at home, shall we sleep? shall we wait? when do we go to hospital? are nerve racking. In the past, it has usually been me who has made the decision, OK we are going to hospital now..but this time, he made the call.
• The good news is that he is well again..
• While he was in hospital I drove to the country to visit three of my dearest and oldest friends; a weekend that had been three months in the making ..wonderful blissful sharing, talking and loving friendship unfortunately overshadowed by my feeling frazzled...nine hours driving didn't help..
• Yet I am so pleased that I spent time with my friends
• Visitors arrived from overseas just as he was discharged from hospital. Lovely cousins who live in England and we see from time to time, were arriving to stay at our house. We do enjoy having visitors from overseas, taking time to be tourists in our own town..but we were already a little ragged..
• We had fun and forgot our troubles while they were here 
• The painters arrived after delaying for two weeks to start repainting the downstairs area. Fantastic, time to refresh and just in time for the festive season but this meant packing up hundreds of books so we could move the furniture, then when done, sorting, disposing or replacing on the shelves. Now we are cleaning up, amazing how paint dust sticks to already grimy surfaces like glue..Hmm great looking but already a bit exhausted and fragile..
• It will look wonderful when they have finished and they are taking such care to do a great job..
• This was also when we had scheduled lots of essential appointments so there was lots of busy time, tasks to be done and not much relaxation.
• Ticked off lots of important appointments yay!
Then...
• My knee gave way creating excruciating pain when I walked and even worse when I slept so that my right leg felt like a tight painful throbbing extremity. After a week of icing it intermittently, walking but not running, I decided to give in and seek help. My physio looked in dismay at my knee and said it is very swollen..ooh I said is it? hmm who isn't paying attention then..She was quite strict..rest, ice, stretch and elevate.
• The universe is telling me something...time to listen again..

By now I was recognising the symptoms;

• a few too many glasses of wine to cope with the stress and the pain,
• double doses of comfort food to ease the anxiety,
• sleep deprivation exacerbated by hot flushes, knee pain and burning off the alcohol, 
• extra caffeine to keep me awake and compensate for feeling tired,
• nerves zinging,
• my creativity dried up and I had no energy, no urge and no ideas
• chaos begets chaos, I lose things, I can't find stuff, I forget and then..
• emotions boil to the surface so the need to cry overwhelms and
• the desperate urge to scream at everyone is like a bubbling cauldron just beneath the surface..
• I just want to crawl into a hole and forget the world but I was so wired I couldn't even slow down enough to do that

So on Monday, I made a decision; it is one I often make but rarely stay compliant with but it is also one that takes determination but it works.
Take care of myself. I can't do my usual burn up calories at the gym until my knee heals but I can eat and drink right..so I am back on my healthy eating regime..

Here I am day 3 and I can feel the calm slowly infiltrating my cells. I need to remind myself that this is a better way to be. It is so nice to be free of the zing..and look here I am having time to write and be creative again.