A weekend in Melbourne

We spent the last weekend in Melbourne, partly because our son Nick was doing a course there and asked if we'd like to come. It was my birthday on Sunday, so we got to spend time with him. The added bonus is my sister lives in Melbourne and I don't get enough time to be with her. We stayed in an apartment in the heart of the city which was a short walk from the sights and fabulous food.

In summary - a great weekend - fabulous food, long walk, time with family

and a lazy afternoon being photo-creative.

Here is my photo story of our weekend.

Sunrise light reflecting on the pool stairs

Fabulous breakfast; fried brioche with berries at Hardware Society, Hardware Lane

In the grounds of the Convent Abbotsford after a long walk and yummy lunch with my sister Kathy, her husband, Pete and my hubby, Bruce.

Building Reflections (sideways!)

 

Gorgeous light caught my eye

Waterlogue app on my iPad rendered the photo into a watercolour

Double exposure and filter created by Diana app for iPhone

Double exposure; my cousin's window in England and a beach view in Australia with Diana app

 

Exploring Water

Last week, I was exploring underwater photography. Maybe not so much my One Little Word EMERGE but rather SUBMERGE!

I was inspired by some photos that my brother Peter took of his daughter underwater as well as the ones that my friend Therese publishes on her swimming pool blog.

Bruce found that his small video camera is water proof and I purchased a small Olympus Tough TG2 as I am keen to experiment. We visited Mona Vale sea water pool and had some fun. It is early days as we experiment with taking photos in tiny rock pools as well as the murky depths of the sea swimming pool. Here are our first attempts.

Shell in rock pool taken underwater

Bubbles on the surface

Bruce with water reflections

Underwater selfie
 

gratitude week 2 February

Saturday 8 Feb
Preparing for visit by my friends, I decided to make a cake. Here is one that I love to bake - gluten free Apple and Almond Cake. I loved that they said it looked so professional! You can find the recipe here.
http://www.citrusandcandy.com/2009/09/flourless-apple-and-almond-tea-cake.html

Sunday 9 Feb
Brunch with my dear friends from my clowning days- we met 35 years ago and have been meeting regularly for 21 years - we are ageing, we are changing, we hold a sacred space where we can share our inner most thoughts and sometimes we laugh.

Monday 10 Feb
Listening to Ludovico Einaudi on CD, reliving the concert on Sunday night at the Opera House. Haunting and evocative.

Tuesday 11 Feb
Enjoying beautiful organic fruits picked by my friend Deb and brought to us when she visited on the weekend. Luscious.

Wednesday 12 Feb
Lunch with my gorgeous son, Nick..I didn't take a photo so I will have to use a favourite one of him, although he says he is much older now. I don't think he has changed in 5 years!

 

Thursday 13 Feb
Feeling energised after my hydrotherapy and Bowen treatment. Thank goodness for caring professionals helping my shoulder recover.

[no picture for this]


Friday 14 Feb
Valentines Day- my husband is away and he sends me flowers and they are gorgeous purple and white lisianthus. Love that he remembered and chose my favourites.

the meaning of EMERGE

I am playing with my word for 2014

creating word clouds

of different meanings

and phrases

trying to see where my word EMERGE

may lead me this year.

I like the possibilities that my word evokes.

 

 

 You can make your own word clouds here on Wordle

http://www.wordle.net/

 

Light

On the weekend, I was captivated by light and shadows. Here are three images that caught my eye.

Trees
I was lying on the floor doing my shoulder stretch when I noticed that the sun was creating wonderful highlights and shadows on the tree outside the window.

Celtis shadows

Rug

The African rug draped on a chair caught the morning sun and reflected the stair banister.

Rug and stair shadows

Begonia
It was the light that caught my eye and then the tiny heart within the flower.

Heart light on Begonia



Gratitude Feb week 1

Today's post is a week of Gratitude in pictures. It is a challenge to remember to take a photo and think about gratitude..I have also added a paint filter to my photos just for fun..I do like creating paintings from my photos..
Being grateful everyday for at least one thing, improves my mood and reminds me that even when I feel down there is always something that has happened that day that brings me joy..

Saturday 1 Feb; Bruce and I walked from Clovelly to Bondi and back. This is a beautiful coastal walk. We got exercise, fresh air, beautiful blue water and clear blue skies. In this photo, lunch was nearby as was respite from the heat and humidity.



lunch is in sight

Sunday 2 Feb: I enjoyed a quiet coffee in the garden. It was peaceful and restorative. Bruce went to the beach, I stayed home, reading the papers and enjoying the birds, the flowers and the quiet.

Morning coffee

Monday 3 Feb: I went for a swim. Not in this pool - it's the one at Bondi. I swam in an indoor pool sheltered from the sun. Still this image captures the "feeling". Moving fluidly through water..

swimmers at Bondi Icebergs pool

Tuesday 4 Feb: Purple lisianthus are some of my favourite flowers, I found some in the local supermarket and they are now in my kitchen. Beautiful. The photo looks particularly beautiful in the watercolour filter. Wish I could paint like this.

Lisianthus

Wednesday 5 Feb
Bruce and I did some much needed pruning of trees in the garden and restrung some of our solar-powered fairy lights. Love the twinkles at night. The craggy bark and hanging plants are lit up in the dying light of the day.

Twinkle lights on the crepe myrtle

Thurs 6 Feb
Time to do some quilting. I am working on a sea blue quilt for my son, Nick. Enjoying the colours and the challenge. I was drawn to Kaffe Fassett's Earthy Mitre squares as a design but have made this a centre panel while I create soft sea scape stripes top and bottom.



Making progress, sea blues squares and stripes

Fri 7 Feb
Nothing creates a sense of summer more to me than luscious mango. When I was a child we would be given a mango to eat as a special treat. The sweet juice would run down our arms as we sank our teeth into the soft flesh. It is still my favourite summer fruit even if I have learned to nibble the flesh from the skin rather than sink my teeth into the softness around the stone.

mango ready for breakfast

Glass Bottles

When we were in London last year, wandering around the British Museum in the Turkish/Moroccan section, I saw these glass bottles. The light illuminated them perfectly and I was enraptured. I am dreaming of turning this picture into a quilted wall-hanging, if only I could work out how to do it. Design ideas keep swirling in my sleep.

Glass Bottles British Museum London

In the Metropolitan Museum in  New York, I kept circling back to the Tiffany Glass - pictures fashioned in stained glass. Again I thought of creating these pictures in fabric.

Year before last, in Noosa, Queensland, I spied these Mason jars filled with flowers and hanging from trees at a wedding reception. So simple and lovely

 

Now I find my eye is drawn to glass jars and bottles in homewares shops and on Pinterest.

So much so I've started a Pin board on glass bottles - just to get a gallery of shapes to work with.
http://www.pinterest.com/jennyfisher3/glass-bottles/

Hmm, think there is a drawing or design bubbling in the background here or maybe just a need to be creative with glass.

Gratitude January

Ever since I read how practising gratitude can improve mood and sense of wellbeing, I have been an inconsistent proponent of the habit.

In 2009, I read a magazine article about a woman who took a photo of the small things that she was grateful for, every day and posted it on Flickr . She had been experiencing depression and she found that posting her daily photo resulted in much improved mood. I started the practice of taking a photo every day. It was fun looking for a moment to capture and photograph. I think my folder had about 30 entries, maybe one month's worth.

Then I read in Sonja Lyubomirsky's wonderful book, The How of Happiness that writing  in a gratitude journal significantly boosted happiness. While it is recommended that you do it every day, Sonja says that once a week can be effective. In the last few years when I have become stressed and negative and unhappy, I would pull out my gratitude journal and write down my thoughts. It has been so important to take my focus off my worries and instead focus on moments of beauty, people, places that I am lucky to have in my life.

So I plan to look for those moments of gratitude and post them in my blog at least once a week. Today I'm doing a catchup.. for January and here are 10 things that I am grateful for

1. the extent of surgery on my arm was much less than had been predicted and
2. my recovery is happening so much more quickly
3. my friends who sent me so much love and support before, during and after my surgery- I floated on a cloud of love
4. my husband who listened to and supported me in my pre-op nervous jitters and my post-op exhaustion
5. a friend who sent the most exquisite bunch of flowers that not only looked divine in pinks and blues but also wafted a heavenly scent when I walked in the room
6. the beautiful sunshine that has greeted me so often in January making it a pleasure to sit on our deck
7. our garden has felt like a peaceful oasis where I can rest and heal
8. getting back into the pool and realising how much I love my swimming
9. breakfast with our son Nick on Australia Day at a cafe on the local marina
10. feeling the return of energy and excitement about what 2014 has in store

What are you grateful for today?

I love flowers

One Little Word 2014

My one little word for 2014 is EMERGE.

I chose this word because I feel as though I am ready to move into a new phase of my life. It is two and a half years since we walked out of the doors of Allen-Fisher Acoustics, the business that my husband and I nurtured and grew for 12 years together and he alone 12 years before.

When we left the business, I said initially that I needed a year to recover, regroup, try on different possibilities until I knew the direction that my new life would take. It's been two.

So this is the year, 2014 when I want to take the first steps towards a new career, work-life or what-ever. I am still no clearer about what to do next. But I am setting the intention to move forward.

The last two years have felt like a cocoon, a place where I have tried creative pursuits and loved them. I have also struggled and in many ways held myself while I waited out this period of change.

What do I hope for in 2014?

That I will EMERGE from
1. my frustrating health issues and return to my former energetic and healthful self
2. the extra kilos I have regained recently and get back to my exercise routine
3. my career hibernation and start / create a new job (don't know what form it will take yet), 
4. some self destructive mindless habits into a more fulfilling and mindful lifestyle.

I have started a board on Pinterest with images for my word.
http://www.pinterest.com/jennyfisher3/one-little-word-2014/

I am imagining tiny green shoots emerging from the soil, a butterfly emerging from its chrysalis, the moon or sun rising out of the ocean, nature's beauty emerging from the mist, a flower pushing out of its bud, the feeling of bursting from the water..

I am going to explore this more as the year goes on and I will share my journey with you here

Here is one of the images, a sculpture entitled Freedom by Zenos Frudakis. You can read about his personal vision for this work here. http://zenosfrudakis.com/sculptures/public/Freedom.html



http://designyoutrust.com/2011/10/04/sculpture-breaks-free/
 

Stepping into 2014

Here I am two weeks post surgery on my shoulder and the outcome is far from what I expected.

Last year, the MRI showed that I had a high grade tear in my subscapularis and a lesser tear in my biceps tendon. When the surgeon looked at my shoulder through the arthroscope two weeks ago, there was no evidence of either tear. I know I spent much of last year wishing for a miracle cure but the photos he took of the tendons show them in pristine condition. So it seems that the interpretation of the MRI was wrong.

However, he did find a small tear in the labrum, the cartilage that that forms the capsule of the shoulder and extensive capsulitis - scar tissue - commonly known as "frozen shoulder". Or in Japan it is known as "50 shoulder" because people over 50 especially women are prone to it. He sutured the labrum tear, released some of the scar tissue and tipped my rehab plan on its head.

After I woke from surgery, my arm was restrained in a sling and I was numb from the neck to the finger tips. It was a very strange feeling or lack of feeling to be precise. With my good hand, I would find my numb one and it was as if it was not attached to me, no feeling, no sensation, very unsettling.

When I moved, my arm hung limp and lifeless in the sling. My brain kept wanting to shake life back into my numb hand but I couldn't move it, even more confusing. Slowly feeling returned, first pins and needles and then full nerve sensation and eventually after about 18 hours, I could move my hand again.

The surgeon visited me in the morning, with my hand feeling normal, I was shaking off the last vestiges of post-operative drowsiness. He said "Don't use the sling, move your arm as much as possible. We have make sure that the stiffness caused by the frozen shoulder doesn't return and further we have to get the joint moving so that your shoulder can "break through" the remaining scar tissue.

At first I was elated; the dependence, the restrictions, the immobility that I had dreaded and feared did not eventuate. The rehab time would be much shorter.

Then I was thrown off kilter, what if I had known this last year, would I?  could I? what if?
Of course "what ifs" are not helpful. I can't go back and reclaim last year.

It has taken me two weeks to get my energy back, to get off the couch and start to move again, to reclaim my normal life. I am moving my shoulder now at the same level and range of movement that I had before the operation.  

I am in a strange place emotionally. I had quarantined the beginning of this year for rehabilitation, restriction and limitation. I feel as though I been given a bonus and I can't squander the time. Yet I still need to focus on my rehabilitation. I start hydrotherapy tomorrow. I have to do my stretches several times a day.

But I am rethinking February and March and looking forward to doing more sooner rather than later.

Sculpture entitled "Entrust" Derwent Water, Lake District, England October 2013

Reviewing 2013

I have been avoiding my blog for the last few months. Life has been challenging me. I injured my shoulder in March and I have spent my hours looking for a miracle solution. I have been told that surgery is the only option by the surgeon and doctors but the allied health staff have been aghast, insisting that I find another solution. They have implored me.
 
This has sent me into a confused funk, I have thrown endless dollars at alternative possibilities in the hope that my shoulder will recover and it hasn't.

I have been quite depressed about it as I contemplate surgery and then 6 months  rehabilitation including 2 months where I have to keep my arm immobile while I am dressed, washed, fed and cared for by my husband and friends.

I find this so hard to contemplate. I am the uber independent woman. I like to drive my car, flit about unencumbered, set my agenda according to what I want to do and when.
As I think about next year and try to plan, all I can think is that the first four months are on hold. That is one big hole in next year.

As I sunk into a deeper pit of misery, I lost sight of the wonderful things that I have enjoyed this year. I have just started a photo book of highlights of 2013 so that I can remember the good stuff amongst the bad.
Biggest negative issue has been my weight gain as a result of my limited ability to exercise since I injured my shoulder (20 March 2013).
So let us have some fun remembering the best bits of my 2013..

I have found three themes for this year

Connection, Creativity and Cooking

1. Connection - Reconnection..
I reconnected with Britta after 30 years- I met Britta while I was backpacking in Europe in 1983. We have been keeping in touch by email and met face to face this year.

 

I reconnected with Jenny and Karen after 15 years. We went to Uni together and lost touch due to personal stress but now we have we reconnected.

 

 

I reconnected with cousins in the UK - we keep in touch by email and it is so good to spend time together.

 



Creativity

Photography - I did a course where I learned about night photography, bokeh, light and depth of field. One of my photos was selected from 1000 entries in the Top 30 of the class.

 

 

In addition, I learned about shibori- inspirational indigo dyeing and folding techniques..

Photography Bokeh - that exciting technique of making the background light into star burst wallpaper...

 
Quilting a landscape wall hanging (below) and my niece Grace's bed quilt

 



Cooking
I joined a writing class this year and found my forte in making sumptuous gluten free cakes EVERY week...

I also revelled in making other beautiful food - I did love cooking in 2013..lots of it was very healthy
 

As I bemoan my physical issues in 2013, this has been an uplifting exercise of acknowledging the good stuff that has happened.

Wishing you all a fun and nourishing holiday season..
My shoulder operation is on 15 January so I plan to pack lots of good times into the next three weeks
Lots of love and best wishes
Jenny

what do I do?

In one week, I get on a plane bound for the UK and when we leave Australian Immigration, I have to complete a form and there is one box that has me totally flummoxed.

I don't know what to put in the Occupation box. Part of me wonders does anybody care or is it just me? I think it is because I have always struggled with this question. It defines who I am. It holds me back, it boxes me in and ultimately, it tears me apart. You see I have never really had one single word that described me..more especially right now fully.
 
If I go by what I am trained to do, what I have the piece of paper to say I am - I would write Social Worker but in truth I haven't been a social worker since 1987 so that won't do. Ever since 1987 I have written Manager in the box because all my job titles between 1987 and 2010 had the word 'Manager' in the name. But I am not a Manager any more because we sold the work I managed two years ago.

Now truth be known I am "In Transition". Since we sold our Business, I have been taking some time to decide what to do next - If they accept 'Unemployed' as a definition, perhaps I could put 'In Transition' in the box. I fear this is what makes me feel so stuck, "In Transition" is no wo-man's land, a place of uncertainty, a purgatory of sorts, floating about unsure of my direction.

If I look at what takes up the majority of my time I should put Home Duties (Cook, Cleaner, Mother & Wife) but that is not how I define myself. Oh no - I am not a person defined by Home Duties - no, no, no (well that settles that!)

If the question really is how do you earn money? I would write Company Director. We have a company with funds that pay my way.

But really the question What is my Occupation?

Dictionary.com say this is defined as

1. a person's usual or principal work or business, especially as a means of earning a living; 

2. any activity in which a person is engaged.

3. possession, settlement, or use of land or property.

4. the act of occupying.

5. the state of being occupied

 

So I think the crux of this question is,  what engages me? well right now I am engaged in becoming a writer, a blogger, a photographer, a quilter and an artist.

 

Interestingly, I feel like all of those names define me except Writer - that is the one I struggle with, hide from and feel I am completely hopeless at achieving.

 

Besides, there aren't enough boxes to write all of these, so I am a Creator. Dictionary.com gives me some options here- a person who creates is a Creator but a female person who creates is a Creatress or a Creatrix.

 

So from this day forth I am a Creatress and in brackets (Writer) because I think if I write the word often enough I will eventually grow into my belief that I can do it..one day..It may sound pretentious, but I think naming ourselves helps clarify who we are in the world. I am going to try this one on for size. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

one week and away

In one week, we will be heading overseas and I feel so unprepared. Normally I am over-organised and tightly prepared but this time, I am almost reluctant.

Last year my husband and I travelled for three months across Turkey, Greece, Croatia, Spain and Morocco with side trips to London and Paris and a final two weeks in New York and San Francisco. It was the trip of a lifetime with a wonderful balance of culture and art, together with planned excursions to walk and ride bikes, a meeting with old friends and a much anticipated art course in Marrakesh. Sadly it didn't all go to plan.

My hubby developed very painful bursitis in the hip the week before we left and after several cortisone injections found the pain beginning to diminish as we boarded the plane. He took time out to rest in Turkey and was just finding his energy return in Santorini when he injured his knee. The next month felt like hard work as I worried a lot and took the load helping him. I can see how I behaved like a warrior taking on the world, shouldering the burdens and pushing through to solve what needed to be done.

When we arrived in Marrakesh to attend my art course "Painting for the Petrified", I was thrilled. Our whole trip had been planned around the timing of this course.  On the first day, my leg became severely swollen. I had developed a DVT. Luckily, we were part of a tour so I was supported and assisted by our local guide who became my interpreter and lifeline to understanding the medical service in this foreign country.

When I was discharged from hospital, I was issued with sufficient injectable heparin to get me home and after an incredibly stressful negotiation with the travel insurance company in Australia, finally managed to resume our journey.

Back home, I was struck with a profound sense of vulnerability. I was well but my body had thrown me a curve ball, totally unexpected and out of the blue. I didn't handle this feeling of helplessness well. My body has continued to challenge me for the next twelve months. I have experienced a series of new, mysterious and unexpected body issues;
1.   First there was the pain similar to electric shocks in my jaw which turned out to be nerve pain related to my TMJ (temporomandibular joint or the hinge in my jaw). This resolved after chiropractic treatment but not before I was multi-checked by my dentist and a neurologist
2. My knee became severely swollen after a normal gym work out needing intensive physio.
3. After scrubbing the floor, my hand and two fingers became numb and tingling diagnosed as bruised nerve and took two months to heal.
4. Then my back went into severe spasm and took two weeks of treatment to settle and relax.
5. Just as I was recovering from all these, I slipped on some rocks while taking a photo and landed heavily on my elbow. After five months of treatment and rehabilitation, I have been told that I require shoulder surgery and six months rehabilitation.
 
I am struggling to accept my physical vulnerability. None of these problems on their own are big issues but together, in sequence, they have left me feeling a little fearful and unsure.

But in one week we are going overseas, to visit family in the UK, to reconnect with loved ones, to explore new scenery and take some wonderful photos, so I am having a wee chat with myself.. and this is what I am working on..

 I promise to

1. be mindful, stay present and enjoy the moment

2. loosen my iron grip of control and submit to the universe..

3. take care of and be easy on myself

 
I will let you know how I fare..

 

My feet

I have spent the last week trying to buy a new pair of walking shoes that will take me from pavements to hiking trails when we travel to the UK and Ireland in two weeks time.

Frankly, my feet are too big. They aren't gigantic on the spectrum of feet but they do not fit into the normal range of shoe sizes stocked by most women's shoe retailers. When I was growing up I was always confident that I was a 10 and a half fractional fitting. Now when I say that to retailers, they look at me perplexed, is that US or UK? I used to shrug and then I did a lot of research to find that I am in fact mostly a US 10.5 but because so many shoes don't come in half sizes I am a US 11 which is UK 8.5 and Eur 42.5 when the retailer has these in stock..

As I morphed into an adult, I dreamed of wearing a stylish pair of shoes. To find any that would fit, I had to go to the specialist shoe store. It was the shop for feet that are too big, too small, too wide or too narrow. One place in the city in a tiny arcade accessed only by lift. Even then there were usually just two possible contenders that fit my feet. Not any more because real shoe shops now stock all sizes, or at least on the day the stock arrives.

I have often requested a size 11 to be told, "we had one pair in that size but it was sold on the day they arrived". Do shoe stores honestly think there is only one person in Sydney with big feet? I know they cater to the average and that is why sale tables groan under the weight of excess average shoes.

Desperation has in the past led me to make very bad decisions about shoes and consequently I actually wonder if I know what is a good fit feels like any more. My cupboard holds several pairs that I swear felt perfect in the shop but now either squish and cramp my feet or flip-flop around giving me blisters after 5 minutes of walking. Sometimes, I am convinced that the shop attendant switched the shoes somewhere between the try-on chair and the checkout.

Today, as I trouped from store to store, I found that "no we don't make walking shoes in your size in the woman's range but the good news is we can fit you into a man's shoe". While, I have a wide foot by women's standards, my foot is narrow in the men's range.

Add to this, the anomaly that my left foot is half a size smaller than my right foot and on both feet my second and third toes are longer than my big toe. Oh woe is me..

Still recently I found that my feet don't like the shoes that I wear and I have suffered in the foot department. Perhaps because I am more active. I used to be a sloth. Having two bruised second toes is becoming the norm and I don't like this problem..

For years, I limited myself to four pairs of shoes. One pair for the gym, another pair of black lace ups for my day activities and  one pair of boots for winter dressing up and a pair of sandals for summer dressing up.

About 4 years ago, I lost a lot of weight and decided that I deserved a wardrobe upgrade and splurged on several pairs of shoes but they sit like unwelcome guests in my cupboard while I choose the ones that I know will be comfortable.

So today, after trying on countless pairs of shoes and matching them with different socks and worrying that my feet will swell when I walk, I have ended up with a pair of men's walking shoes, a little too roomy especially on the left foot and RED.

After years of having a wardrobe of black shoes, I now own a pair of red walking shoes and I think if I can just get the left foot appropriately snug rather than moving inside the shoe, I might enjoy this foray into new footwear. 

far away, home, stillness & books

I am doing another four day August Break Catchup...

 

Day 12 Far Away

So excited that I learned to take a photo of the full moon this year-

this one was taken without a tripod-pressing the camera hard against my face..

 

Day 13 Home

Love that I work from home and have done so for more than 15 years..

the view from my window is mostly green -lots of trees and in different seasons, I see flowers or bare branches as well.

 

 

Day 14 Stillness

So glad this guy was sitting very still and

I could get a lovely closeup of him.. 

 

 

Day 15 Books

So many to choose from, here is a snippet of my inspiration

as I show you just one spot in my many shelves..